Sucking All The Marrow Out Of Life Doesn't Mean Choking On The Bone.

I was out a little late last night.  I went out with my boss. We went to dinner then we went to a bar and had a few drinks then we went to a strip club.

It has been a really long time since I have written anything.  I think getting things off your chest is good for you and I think telling it to total strangers is easier than telling somebody you know. 
Here we go:
I know you can't change the past or you can't relive it.  I do have this bad habit of reliving it though.  What I mean about that is I watch old tapes or talk about it.  You see back in High School I was a really good athlete. I even went to college on a wrestling scholarship. Then in college I got hurt really bad and the doctors told me that I would not be able to wrestle again.  Well you may as well told me that I would never walk again.  I don't think people close realise that.  I mean sure my parents and girlfriend were sad that I was hurt but to them it didn't really effect them.  To me wrestling was something beyond words, it was something that I was truly great at.  For those that don't know wrestling(real wrestling) last three rounds at 2 minutes each for a total of six minutes.  To me those six minutes were everything to me.  Why? because for those 6 minutes people respected, admired and hell even feared me.  I guess you could call it a power trip but that was my world.  Outside of wrestling there was nothing that I was truly great at.  I mean I am a 5'6" guy, with what I think average looks and slightly above average intelligence. Everybody around me has something that they are good at and for that it gives them purpose, a sense of accomplishment.  For me that was wrestling.  At this point in my life I would give up just about everything to get those six minutes back.  Within those six minutes I was something more.  I want that feeling back.
People look at my life and what I have and think that I shouldn't complain. I live in a nice house, drive a nice car and have a highly successful girlfriend.  Buth there lies the Rub.  My girlfriend is highly successful.  The house is hers, the car she helped but the downpayment for but I pay for it barely sometimes.   Believe me she is always reminding me that everything I have is because of her. 
I know I sound like a big puss and who knows maybe I am, but I would like to be more but I have been in the same state of mind for so long and kept down by her that I don't know exactly how to pick my self up and be something more.  Maybe that is why I think about wrestling so much because for the six minutes I was something more.

I am back.  I am pretty bad at writing consistantly. It just seems like I never get a free moment to sit down and write.  I feel like I have a lot to say but I just don't know how to put it into words.  There are so many things that I want to say but they get all mixed up in my head and when it comes to putting it down into words i can't find the write words.
    Today was pretty uneventful.  I bought some pop rocks today.  They remind me of a person that I used to know and I kinda miss her but I am pretty sure she is with someone else and is happy so I don't want to come out of the blue and mess things up for her. Her and I had a lot of fun together(if you know what I mean). I wish I could find another friend like that.  Maybe I would be a happier person.  Most of the time I put on a god act.  I try to look at act hppy most of the time but I am usually not. I jst have these needs that aren't truly being fulfilled and I am not quite sure where to go. 
    I guess what I am saying is that if I could get some of my needs filled at home I wouldn't need to look else where.

    It has been a long time since I have written anything.  It just seems like lately I haven't have enough hours in the day to get everything done. For the last two weeks my boss has been out of town and people have been lining up at my desk because they want me to fix something.  Of course every one says that their problem is an emergency. Well you know what I have to say. FUCK OFF BOB, the world does not revolve around you!!  It doesn't help that I get bossed around at home too. 
Well for the first 2 hours at work my bossed screwed around with his screen saver.  you have been gone for 2 weeks and you know that it has been busy how about you save that for your break and help me get caught up. 
    For the last three weekends we have had people at the house for either a party the 4th of july and then my girlfriends mom staying.  It will be nice to have a weekend where there is noone here.  Maybe i will get to sleep in, maybe.  I doubt it though. I am sure that I will have to be up early so that we can do something productive. According to my gf if we sleep till 9am we have slept have the day away.  Well I say the only way that sleeping in till 9 is sleeping half the day away is if we go to bed at noon.  I really don't think that that is sleeping in that late.
    Well that is about all I have to say for now but be sure too check back soon because I plan on trying to start being a little more consistant with my writings.
That is funny I don't care who you are.(that's for you Jamie!!) hahhahahahahahaha.

I am so tired of always losing an arguement.  Yesterday my girlfriend rode her back to my job and was too tired to ride home(it is about a 17 mile ride).  So of course I would take her home. She got to my job about 1/2 hour before I could leave so she said that she would go to the grocery store to pick up dinner.  I told that i get off at 5 so try not to be late.  so guess what happens,  she is almost half an hour late.  I get into the car and I make a joke about her being late and she gets mad at me. She gets all mad because the clock in my car is about 5 minutes fast so i said then you you were only 25 minutes late picking me up.  Now if I were 10 minutes late she would have been so mad at me so fast.  But do I get I'm sorry, of course not.  Somehow she is late to picking me up and it is my fault.  Can someone pleeeeeaaaaassssseeee explain how this is my fault.  she said because my clock is faster than her cell phone clock by about 10 minutes, regardless she is still late picking me up.  So for the next 25 minutes in the car ride home I get yelled because my car is dusty, and I need to grow up.  She gets mad because I have a superman tattoo, key ring, pajamas, and hitch cover.  It is not like I wear a superman t-shirt everyday.  I like Superman, can't a guy have a hobby.
I know she is about to have her period but why do I have to take all the abuse. 

I am watching house of flying daggers

I am back. I know it has been a while but things have been a little hectic around here.  On friday I was all excited to have a weekend to myself.  then at the very last minute my girlfriend wanted me to go to Boston because of some crazy chick at work.  What makes it worse was that I had to leave straight from work and didn't get to pack a thing.  So I spent all day on saturday buying clothes because I had nothing to wear.  The good thing out of it was that I did get some nice clothes from Banana Republic.
I was so looking forward for the weekend because I was actually going to get to sleep in.  My girlfriend never lets me sleep past 7:30 on the weekend.  so I thought I would get to sleep till maybe 9.  Of course on saturday she gets me up at 7:30 but of cousre that is 6:30 for me because of the time change.  All that I asked is to have one weekend to do what I want.  It is not like I ask for it all the time. We spend almost every waking hour together i was just looking forward for some time to myself.  I had my weekend all planed out. I was going to sleep in on saturday.  then get up clean out the garage and put up some shelves. then chop some wood. then go rent a couple of movies and some beer and relax.  then on Sunday I was going to do some laundry clean the house and then go see Sin City.   I know that would be a movie that my girlfriend would hate so I would never get to see it when see is here.
Well I am tired of blabbering.  good night all

I finally got my internet working again.  I have three weeks without the internet.  I am finally gladto get it back. 
Well I got a Betta Fish for my desk at work and I named him Clark(surprise, surprise).  Then about a week later I ended up getting another one and of course I had to name him Lex.  Well clark is blue and red, and Lex is black with sliver fins.  I blame this lady at work who got me hooked. Now I am trying to convince my girlfriend to get one for the house. 
I never would have considered myself a fish person but I am really enjoying them. They kinda follow me and know whe nthey are going to be fed and react to my actions. Of cousre Jamie thinks I am a big dork because of what I named them and te way that I decorated their tanks.  Clark has a superman figure in it and red and blue rocks.  clark is black with some blue and silver so I had to get a black and silver plant.

They say was doesn't kill makes you stronger. I am not quite if i believe that sometimes.  I have been put through some pretty rough things in my life and I am not sure if they made me a better or stronger person for it.  There are somedays  that I think if it even worth getting out of bed.  It seems to me that I struggle through the days sometimes.  There are sometimes that I just want to scream and there are other days that I just wamt to hit someything or someone.  But I control those urges and make it through the day. 
    I am starting to get back into the gym on a regular basis, which helps release some physical aggression but it doesn't help with the sexual frustration.  I have been dating the same person for several years now and it seems that our sexlife for the past several years gone down the drain.  I am not saying that I need it all the time but more than once a every few months would be nice.  When we first started dating back in high school it was several times a week.  then in college it became several times a month.  Now it is a few times a year.  I am not 70 years old, I am a young man that has needs and urges.  Because of that I have a bad habit of checking women all the time.  I try not to be very obvious but I know it is. Some women don't mind but then are others that it really ticks them off.  I can usually control myself  when I am with my girlfriend but when I am with my friends it is pretty bad.